Archive for the 'Stupidity' Category
Prince, You Are A Class-A Asshole
June 26th, 2008
So. Let’s say that you’re a very well-known musician and songwriter who shot to prominence in the 1980s because of your amazing ability to write extremely funky, catchy music that appealed to listeners all across the musical spectrum of taste. Come the early ‘90s, though, you’d prettymuch run out of steam…so, to give your career a boost and protest the draconian contract you stupidly signed with one of the worst record labels in history, you changed your name to a symbol and spent a few years producing extremely sub-par records that virtually nobody gave a shit about. Then, several years later…well, what have we here? You reassumed your name and actually began to make something of a comeback, putting out a number of very good albums that hearkened back to your seminal ‘80s work. These albums were so good, in fact, that your name began to be bandied about in public again by a whole new generation of fans and your place in the History of Rock was prettymuch assured.
Now, let’s say that you’re turning 50 this year. In honor of your June 7th birthday, a Norwegian label brought together a number of artists to produce a tribute album: a massive five-disc set of 81 covers of your music. The record label then contacted you to offer you a free copy of the album out of good faith. What do you do?
Do you:
A. Graciously accept the album and tell the label that you’re extremely flattered.
B. Accept the album, but explain to the record label that by law you should’ve been reimbursed the compulsory license fee of ~10cents per song, which the label did not pay, citing that “they didn’t think they owed Prince anything except maybe a free copy.” Oh well, it’s no big deal, ultimately, because you’re already fabulously wealthy and, hey, it’s nice to be appreciated.
C. Whine like a bitch and file lawsuits against every artist who participated in the album AND demand that all copies of the tribute album be destroyed.
If you’re a petulant little asshole named Prince, you choose C.
Prince is no stranger to suing anyone and everyone who does something with his music that he does not like. Admittedly, it’s his music, after all, and ultimately it should be his right to decide what’s done with it—but that kind of thing only goes so far, especially today in the first true blossoming of the Information Age.
Before I rip him a new purple anus for being a complete tool, let me pause to reaffirm something already mentioned: the Norwegian label, C+C Records (not C+C Music Factory) was clearly in the wrong by not paying the licensing fee for the songs that were covered for the tribute. However, to quote the above-linked Wired article,
To sell their five-disc set of 81 Prince cover songs, they would have to remit around $8 per unit sold to Prince, under a compulsory mechanical license.
OK, so the label owed Prince a bit fat $8 for each copy of the album sold. They did not pay that, which means that Prince has a perfectly legal basis for suing the label.
But…why the hell would he even bother?
First of all, Princey, you’re already rolling in money. You really are not going to starve anytime soon if you don’t get the approximately $40,000 owed to you by C+C Records. I’m sorry that you won’t be able to buy another SUV this year with all the cash C+C owes you, but, really…by this point in your life, $40K is chump-change.
Second, this label and the fifty artists who participated in the tribute created the album to honor you, because they love your material and they wanted to say, “Hey, Prince…you’re Totally Awesome and we want to give you props for being a Major League artist.”
So congratulations, bucko: you’ve just alienated even more fans. Do you or do you not realize that the only reason you’re swimming in money and playing Half-Time at the Super Bowl is because of your fanbase? You do understand, too, that you have fans in other countries, right? Yes, fans buying your albums have made you richer than I could ever hope to be…but those fans have given you something much more valuable and longlasting than money: reputation.
You are a titan of musical talent, even if you barely come up to my shoulder. You are an amazing songwriter, and amazing musician, and just an amazing person. But guess what? Turning into Mr. Lawsuit Frenzy is also making you out to be an amazing asshole.
People do not like artists with egos so big they believe they can attack their fans and their fans will still lick up everything they produce.
Money can last forever. But once you’re branded a Major Dick—like a certain has-been metal band—you’ll find that the reputation that you’ve spent decades working on has gone. And once your posterity’s gone, all you’ve got left is a few million dollars to pay for a lavish funeral once you croak. After which, you will be promptly forgotten.
The Biggest Farce in the History of the World
April 9th, 2008
You may wonder why I haven’t been writing much about DRM or Big Media. You may even miss my vitriolic rants against the sheer, mind-boggling stupidity of the recording industry and my anarchist Internet beliefs….
But the simple fact of the matter is: the RIAA, the entire recording industry (both in America and abroad), and the MPAA—Big Media in general—have made such a pitiable laughingstock of themselves that I simply ran out of vitriol. Spewing righteous hate at those industries is almost meaningless now, as they have shamed themselves so dramatically in so many ways that I literally haven’t a thing left to say about them.
What the hell can I possibly say about that? It’s so ridiculous it has literally left me speechless. And do you people have any idea how incredibly difficult that is?!
Pouring gasoline on a fire
February 15th, 2008
This is just a stupid, badly-drawn, and—honestly—trite political cartoon. Yet there are people Out There in the so-called Real World who are literally gunning to murder the guy who drew this cartoon as well as the staff of the Danish newspaper which originally published it. A student at the International Islamic University in Islamabad, in fact, stated that “we [he and his 200 followers] are even ready to sacrifice our life for our beloved prophet.”
You, sir, are going to sacrifice your life for a doodle published in a newspaper in a country thousands of miles away from where you live?
If Muslims feel the need to be offended by the above depiction of Muhammud, they’ve every right to do so—just as Christians have the right to be offended by a statue of Jesus with an erect penis. When someone makes fun of your religious iconography and leadership, it is only natural that you will be angered, and will want to speak out against it.
So by all means, protest. Let the editorship of that Danish newspaper know you were offended. Boycott Danish products if you honestly think that will make a difference (it won’t). Speak out. Make your voices heard.
But remember this: a stupid doodle from a Norse country half a continent away is not a threat against your faith. If you are willing to murder or to die for some guy’s napkin-doodle, you are not a True Believer. You are not a martyr. You are a fucking idiot. Islam does not have a very good image in the West because of these kinds of patently ridiculous, Medieval over-reactions to the most miniscule snubs.
Instead of going on the warpath over a goofy cartoon, why not turn your ire toward how your various societies’ leaderships have become little more than pawns in Western powers’ oil wars. Saudi oil princes live lives that would make ancient Egyptian pharaohs piss themselves in envy, flouting Shari’a and Islam and living lives of decadence that rival the greatest Western playboys, all the while condemning average people to death due to adultery or, good lord, “witchcraft.” If anyone needs stoning—if anyone needs protesting—it is the double-faced lords of war and oil who have perverted your religion into little more than a means of making you into living weapons.
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